Worrying...

Here is the sad news of the week:

I have to go back to work on Monday. 

Between you and me, I am dreading it. 

Not because I don't like work.  I really love my job.  I am looking forward to seeing my co-workers and students again.  I like the mental stimulation of having a job.  I like seeing the kids I work with learn and progress. 

Of course I will miss my little girl while I'm gone.  I've spent all day every day with her for five weeks straight, so I know being away from her will be hard.  Luckily, my sister Miranda will be babysitting her most days, and she is probably the most capable person I know.  I couldn't leave her in better hands, so that makes me feel better about things.

The biggest reason I am dreading work, though, is because, even though I'll only be gone 4 hours a day, I can't even being to figure out how I'm going to get everything done at home each day on top of working and taking care of the baby! 

Even with me not working, it is very hard for me to keep up with dishes and laundry and dinners each day.  For one thing, the baby eats every two hours.  That takes a lot of time.  Also, even though my baby is a great sleeper, usually going 4-6 hours at a time at night, I have a hard time waking up before nine thirty in the morning.  I go to work at 11:30, so this will give me barely enough time to feed the baby, get her ready for the day, get myself ready, eat breakfast, and feed her again before I leave.  What about lunch?  I don't get home till almost 4. 

Dustin gets home at 6:30 every day.  So that gives me only a couple hours to feed the baby again and make dinner, that is if I want it to be done by the time he gets home.  Which, let's face it, it usually isn't.  But I feel bad about that because he east lunch at noon or earlier, so that is a long time to go without eating. 

Another worry--I feel pretty good if I just take each day really easy.  But if I push myself too hard, I get tired very easily and my lower back starts to hurt.  For example, yesterday I drove down to West Point to visit my friend Meagan.  I was gone most of the day.  Ihad such a good time visiting with her and her baby, who is just 4 days older than Lia.  By the time I got home though, I was exhausted.  Plus Lia got gas and was very fussy all evening.  How am I going to handle being at work 4 hours a day?

Also, I have been exclusively breast feeding since Lia was born, and pumping occasionally and freezing the milk, so we won't have to buy formula even when I go back to work. We gave bottle-feeding a try on Wednesday to see how she would like it.  She hated it.  She gagged and choked and cried for a half an hour before she would take it.  Great--one more worry for me.

I just don't see how I can possibly do everything I need to.  I am just worrying and worrying.  I know worrying doesn't help anything, but I can't help it. 

I guess all that's left to say is, wish me luck.....