First Time Mom

There are a lot of "firsts" that come with having your first child.  Some are fun, like the first real smile, the first storytime, the first bath.  Some are not so fun, like the first poopy diaper blowout, the first sleepless night.  And then some are just plain heartbreaking.  I am currently experiencing one of those heartbreaking firsts.

My baby is sick.  For the first time.  I'm really not sure what exactly is wrong, but she is sure miserable.  It appears to just be bad gas and a very upset gurgly tummy.  She has had gas before, but this is different.  It started Tuesday night.  She didn't sleep very well, which is unusual.  She has been either sleeping, eating, or crying since then.  Sometimes it's just whimpering and fussing.  Sometimes it's eyes wide body stiff screaming like the devil himself is after her.  She has never never cried like that before.  And the worst part is, there's nothing I can do for her.  She wants to be held, but she cries even when I hold her.  She kept us up most of the night, which is very ususual for her.  I don't know what is making her hurt but I know she is miserable.  She is just not herself.  She is usually so happy and content. I miss her bright happy eyes and happy baby talk.  I hope she feels better soon.

I have dealt with sick babies before.  I have heard babies scream and cry and not been able to help them.  But when it is your own, it is a completely different experience.  I just hurt for her.  I hate that she is in pain.  I got thinking about parents whose children are chronically or seriously ill, and I can't even imagine how hard that would be.  How can you just watch your child suffer day after day, without being able to help?  I am now beginning to understand how awful it must be.  Does it get any easier?  Once you've helped you children through numerous colds and flus, is it less heartbreaking?  Do you ever learn how to just deal with it? 

All I know now is, I really hope she starts feeling better soon!